Topic: 3 year old tells all....

[Triss]

This is the funniest email I have received in ages.  Laughed so hard I cried.

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the
subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

[Annette]

Too funny!  Luckily all my kids were very quiet at that age

[Tina]

That is funny. That makes me happy that Ted is so nonverbal sometimes.

[Triss]

Mine are not quiet but I have never had an experience like that. 

[Tonya]

OMG!! That is the funnies thing! I copied and sent it to everyone I know!!

[landofoz]

    Oh gosh this brings back memories!  Okay, not exactly the same -- it was truck stop bathroom and involved "that time of the month" and the explanation that no, Mommy isn't dying.  I didn't get an applause, though, thank God!  There was blatant laughter the entire time though.  Why can't Lindsay be quiet like Rachael?? 

[Dianna]

 

I don't know who had the most embarassing experience, the freelance writer or Sarah Loo...

I believe that I would have started carrying duct tape in my pocketbook if I experienced something like that...

 

[Tonya]

OMG!!! I would have died! Too funny SarahLOO!!

[Triss]

Oh no Sarah.  I just think I am not ever going to take any of my kids into a public restroom again.

[Jayrod1972]

I had a similar experince at wal mart but, it didnt take place in the restroom. Me and my daughter was walking down a isle when someone passed gas, my daughter looked at me and plainly said outloud" eweeeeeeeee daddy you farted:, well as she said this there were 3 goodlooking ladies just happen walk around the corner, so I explained to her" that wasnt daddy", and her giggling loud voice said "yes it was", at this time I was getting a few stares, so I leaned towards her like I was going to spank her I said " If I did that, noone in the store would be standing", she began to laught so hard she could nolonger talk, That day I could have dug me a hole and buried myself. But, I guess being the daddy comes with memories.

[Skhilled]

When my son was about 6 I bought him some briefs that looked just like mine. He was so proud he went to school and announced it to the class. Of course, his teacher could wait for me to pick him up so she could tell me and see the expression on me face! LOL

[UNCLEG]

I have no kids but I witnessed this a couple of weeks ago,  I was in Target in the mens section buying a pack of boxers,  anyway a man and his daughter age 3-4 walked through looking for a belt.  The little girl said Daddy look at all the undewear, he said yeah there are a lot, the little girl responded very loudly  "BUT DADDY DON"T WEAR UNDERWEAR, DADDY DON"T WEAR UNDERWEAR, DADDY DON"T WEAR UNDERWEAR............................by the time he got her to quiet down everyone in the store knew he did not wear underwear.

[Skhilled]

I'll bet he wears them now. LOL Once kids start walking, you really need to start wearing clothes around them.