The reason why our bras don't always match our outfit is because we actually change our underwear.
We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance --in fact -- please do!
Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life --you'll never see the "island" coming.
Your balding is a good thing --it subsidizes our hair care expenses.
When you're out with us, wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" --the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt.
Don't insist that we "get off the darn phone" and then not talk to us.
Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
If we watch football with you, it's not bonding -- it's the butts we're looking at...
We don't care if you hold the remote -- unlike you however, we don't enjoy watching 27 seconds of 117 different programs.
If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday or when you're treating us to dinner and a show.
No, we're not impressed with your car -- it takes no special skills to make car payments each month.
Please don't attempt to drive when you're not driving...
The next time you joke about female drivers, check the number of accidents caused by men rubber-necking at mini-skirted females.
Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of showers/baths you take.
If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed...
The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim inside the toilet rim.
If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
Have a strong need for male bonding ? Visit your proctologist...
Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care!
Yes, we do look at other men. However, we don't drool like you do when you check out "babes."
Don't fret if you find out that the mailman delivers more than once a day...
When you're not around, we belch loudly too.
Your contributions to your children should go above and beyond that "Y" chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.
Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
Some women actually know more about a car and the mechanics involved than you do.
Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.
Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men --why is it then you never want to cook?
We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss for one...
~~ Author Unknown ~~
I found this on another forum and had to share it here...
Welcome to Southern Spirit Hunters 
